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fratboydoesgood's Journal

6 July 1946
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MAJOR DISCLAIMER: This lj has been created to allow participation in a political role-playing community. Factual information shown on the user info page (birthdate, schools attended, etc.) is accurate, but the Bio and Interests sections are the creation of aswanargent, the person running the character. Likewise, the lj posts or comments made here or elsewhere by fratboydoesgood should not be taken as the actual positions held by the current occupant of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.


No. Wait. Stop. Don't skip this section. I know you think you already know everything you need to know about me, but of course you don't. It's true that I'm God, the Supreme Ruler of the Solar System, the King of Earth, the duly-elected ... oops, that little problem was taken care of in 2004 ... so, yes, the Duly-Elected President of the Great United States of America, Beacon of Freedom to the Downtrodden Masses of the World, and I'm the Decider as well (which means that I get go choose which Disney movie Laura and I watch on our weekly Movie Night), but I haven't let any of that go to my head. No indeedy. I'm a simple man. A humble man. A compassionate, caring man. And honest. Mustn't forget that I'm honest and so would never, ever, bend the truth to suit my own purposes. (Doggone it, those WMDs were there, but that sneaky Saddam moved them just so I'd look bad. He's never liked me ever since my daddy made him get out of ... of ... well, whatever that country was that we made him get out of. Such a sore loser. Just like Al and the Democrats back in 2000.) But hey, I'm above all that. I just get out to the ranch on a regular basis, out among good, right-thinking Texans, and I clear some brush, and soon the cares of the day melt away. And if that ever stops working, Big Time [Vice President Dick Cheney] tells me that going hunting and shooting someone something always helps put him in a good mood....

I could tell you a lot about the obstacles I've had to overcome to get where I am today, but ... oh shucks, why not? If Kermit, Robocop, and The Ice Maiden [Dominique de Villepin, Nicolas Sarkozy, and Angela Merkel] can go on and on about themselves, I don't see why I should have to keep it brief.... *pouts*

So. My struggles. Well, first there was school. There I was at Yale ready to party, party, party, and those professors spoiled all the fun and said I had to study if I wanted to graduate. Can you believe that? I mean I was majoring in History, for pete's sake! It's not like that's a subject that has any relevance to the modern world.... Anyway, I eventually got my diploma and then my daddy pulled strings and kept me out of Vietnam I did my patriotic duty by learning to fly planes so I could protect Texas in case the North Vietnamese decided to come bomb the Alamo or something. (Not like that showoff McCain who went and got himself captured. He says captivity was tough. I say I gave him his nickname "Hogan" for a reason. *nods head sagely*) Then I went back to school (more studying!) and got an MBA because I thought being called a Master of the Universe sounded like a really neat job title, but it turned out that you have to be good with numbers for that, and I get confused if there are too many zeroes (2,000 troops, 20,000 troops, 200,000 troops ... it all looks the same to me). So instead of going to work on Wall Street I went back to Texas and got involved in the oil business, and then I owned part of a baseball team, and after that I got involved in politics and became governor of Texas, and after that I was overwhelmingly elected POTUS (that's "President of the United States" to you). And along the way I married Laura, who was my reading tutor who I met on a blind date, and we had two beautiful daughters. They could be models if they wanted to, just like Kermit's girl (they're certainly prettier), but they don't want to distract the public. One Bush at a time in the limelight is enough! (You know, sometimes I actually feel sorry for poor old Bill Clinton. His wife never did understand that she was supposed to spend her time picking out china patterns and redecorating, and not be meddling in men's work. Laura, bless her pretty little head, understands her role in our marriage. *smiles*)

Now, if you still want to know more about me, just contact the Official White House Press Office and they'll be happy to send you a copy of my official completely-true-and-unbiased biography. I think we have about a gazillion copies in storage somewhere. And if you ask nicely, they'll include an autographed photo of me. And if you say "pretty please with sugar on it," they'll even throw in a map of Iraq and a pair of magic glasses that will let you see those hidden stockpiles of WMDs. (Here's a secret not many people know. This is the same map and glasses we gave good old Baloonfoot [Colin Powell] before he gave that presentation to the U.N. And there are still people out there who say I'm dumb! *smirks*)